A trash truck in Linz, Austria, got a bit held up on Tuesday, when the radiation detector at the incinerator plant caught something unusual hitching a ride in. The garbage men couldn't tell what it was so they called in the hazmat squad. Those brave souls took it upon themselves to dig headfirst into the back of that gnarly badness and uncover the radioactive culprit. Diapers. Dozens of radioactive adult diapers.
Where does one get a radioactive adult diaper you might ask. Well, you have to make it yourself. Step one, check into a hospital and tell them you've got bowel control issues. They'll probably take a step back and then invite you into a room where you will put on an adult diaper. Then, tell them the cilia in your small intestine look like a portrait of John Lennon when they line up end to end. To prove this, request a dose of radioactive iodine and wash it down with some Exlax. After being disappointed by the shape of your cilia, the hospital staff will probably want to have nothing more to do with you, and leave you to finish the day off by purging radioactive mess into your diaper. Congratulations, you just made your own radioactive waste!
Anyway, it took the hazmat guys all day to put that together on Tuesday. As it turns out, even two dozen radioactive diapers aren't enough to kill you, at least not by means of radiation. However, nobody volunteered to test the lethality of their odor. The truck and diapers will be quarantined for 8 days until the toxic waste returns to still nasty, but less glow-in-the-dark status.
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