Every once in a while a respected institution of higher learning, like the University of Cambridge for instance, gives us news outlets the chance get away with putting the word "penis" in a headline.
So, thanks Cambridge for enlightening us about the "penis worm" in the newly published paper entitled "The macro- and microfossil record of the Cambrian priapulid Ottoia" — which none of us intend to read. We just want to print the word "penis."
The news peg is that researchers at Cambridge figured out how to tell fossilized penis worm teeth from other tiny prick-shaped fossils in the Cambrian-era Burgess shale located in western Canada.
Do you know what the last major palaeontological discovery this year was? Or do you care what the next one will be? No, and neither do we, unless it's about penis worms, or dick'dadactyle bones, or the first multicellular titty frozen in amber.
Surprisingly, this isn't the penis worm's first foray into front page news after it dominated the Cambrian seas 500 million years ago.
In 2012, priapulids destroyed the 100-year-old system of classifying multicellular lifeforms into two groups. There used to be Protostomes, like the penis worm, whose mouth develops first in cell division. And there were Deuterostomes, whose anus develops first. The "anus first" group includes humans and all other vertibrates.
But, in 2012, when some scientists noticed a penis worm's cells dividing anus-first, they threw the whole book out, and now nobody knows the difference between a man and a penis worm.
Thanks, Science!
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