I can’t imagine what went wrong
To make everything else go wrong
Leaving me this numb,
This desperate,
Struggling against overpowering waves,
Suffocating, yet surviving,
Only to face everything agonizing.
Sobbing and shaking- I scream.
But all directions echo it back,
Deafening and maddening me.
Helpless and lost- I look around.
But nothing holds any familiar shade.
A lump in throat and squeeze in heart
Tell nothing good’s going to start.
“Why me? ”, “Why this? ”, “Why now? ”
The heat of unanswered questions
Only leave me in thirst...
I’m now used to asking these myself
Asking world,
Asking God,
That they’ve become empty and hollow.
Even as I step on each thorn,
I take the next step,
Expecting soft petals caressing my feet
Only to have- to my utter disbelief,
Yet another one pierce and pain me…
Forcing me to take
Yet another drink, from the cup of resignation.
Fate raises her hand again
To strike me with terrible blows
Yet I look at her
In cold contempt and pity,
As one would, at a clueless clown,
Performing same old jokes over and over,
That no longer evokes any laughter.
“You are powerless to destroy me”, I laugh
A bitter, careless laugh
“Because I can’t be anymore destroyed…”
The mirth and joy filling the world
Seems just strangeness
With no meaning whatsoever…
What’s real is what’s happening to me
This terrifying darkness engulfing me.
And as I drown in this abject misery
I have lost even the strength to whisper-
“Someone please save me.”
Maria Rose Dominic
http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/drowning-in-despair/
