This is my mental suicide
My death that will not be seen
I'm killing myself on the inside
Because I just can't take the pain
I found an old diary,
from back when I was young
It hurts to know that even then
Life was never any fun
You know there's something wrong
When an eight year old girl
Writes about just how much
She really hates the world
I hated my life
I hated my mom
But no one ever realized
What was going on
I'm miserable now
And I was miserable then
My mom said she loved me
But I've never loved her back
When I leave she says she misses me
But I just don't believe that
I've always listened to everyone's problems
Simply waiting in silence
Waiting for my turn to vent,
But I still haven't gotten that chance
Now I think that I have cracked
I can't take it anymore
All the pain, the hurt, the hate,
It's too much for me to ignore
And I'm so frustrated
With everyone always saying I'm wrong
I can't hide the hurt anymore;
I'm just not that strong
Fourteen years of ridicule
It's never going to stop
Which is why I'm leaving it all behind
And shutting off my mind
Please honor my last wishes
I won't ask for a lot
Just don't let my memory
Ever fade away
Next time you make fun of someone
I hope you'll remember this note
Realize what it does to them
Give them some sort of hope
I just want to scream
And I just want to cry
But I can't take the pain of death,
Which is why I'm not going to die
Instead I've chosen this other path
This other way to go
But before I'm gone and my mind is lost,
I just want you to know
When I'm gone,
If you're wondering why,
You're my excuse, the reason behind,
My mental suicide.
Aleksandra Lachut
http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/mental-suicide/
