Different clues of my guilt
Carelessly, intentionally left on my path,
Everywhere around...
You can see them, if you really try,
You can make me feel stronger,
Clues of my regrets, sticky like honey,
But a bitter taste they leave behind,
Together with my fear.
The story that I had to tell,
I cannot relate to it anymore,
I’ve drifted away from it, little by little
With each line I left written on
The pavement of your heart.
I cried, I lied, I regret everything.
But I said no prayers,
For imploration never change a thing.
Maybe I’ve cried it all out,
But still something remains and its silent pain
Dares to torment me day and night,
How can I explore my biggest mistake again and again?
I wish it would all go away,
Simply be engulfed by someone else,
Oh, I am a heartless bitch,
I would let my pain torment someone else...
Yet somehow, I grew fond of it,
And it is mine; it’s my pain, my torture,
I am not ready to give it all up.
So I try, again and again,
My child, I know I’ve killed you,
I’ve dug a warm grave for you to rest in,
And your laughter, it vanished,
Your joy, your bright eyes, they are still now...
As I look upon your white face, I remember you,
Your long hair playing in the wind,
Your hands reaching out to me, you wanted to be carried...
Your warmth, your pollution-and-noise-free smile,
The world didn’t taint your heart...
But they tainted mine.
And I don’t smile anymore,
I don’t have the strength,
I miss you, my darling angel, so bad that
I feel it as physical pain!
We should’ve taken shelter in love,
But my mind knew no innocence,
My future... I worried about it,
And now it’s all black and heavy, doomed.
My guilt, my pain, your memory,
They live in my heart, always.
©Elya Thorn. Do not republish without permission!
Elya Thorn
http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/clues-of-guilt/
